Grief & Child Loss: Happy Birthday, Teddy

Dear Teddy, 

Thank you for choosing me to be your mom. You showed me unconditional love, the kind that is cultivated and blooms with richness each and everyday - sun, rain or snow. The way you held my face, called for me, knew me… and whispered “I love you,” they were moments of wonder and healing gifted to the authentic me each and every day. You knew my soul and I knew yours. We know them still. With all our flaws - we loved wholeheartedly. 

You taught me that what the world perceives as flaws are the gifts of beauty we have to give this world. You showed me that to be no one but yourself in the world that’s trying to make you someone else, is to fight the hardest battle. And you fought. You never shied from your authenticity. 

You found awe in each pebble, imagining what thousands of pebbles together could create. You taught me that depth of one’s mind is only limited by one’s own perception, that seemingly impossible lego creations are put together block by block. You showed me there is magic all around us… in each other and within ourselves… to see things differently, and to embrace each and every breath with intensity, curiosity and love. You taught me patience and the journey it requires - day by day - to cultivate compassion, wisdom and inner strength through perseverance and a willingness to explore all things with an open heart. 

Thank you for being you in this world. You lived and loved more in seven years than most do in an entire lifetime. Each breath you took with fortitude and resolve. Each moment you embraced with excitement and joy. You have given me a gift such as I never dreamed of finding in this life. If I could reach up and hold a star for each time you warmed and warm my heart, and each moment I was and am blessed with a smile because of you - the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand.

You were my heart and soul living outside my body, and now that you are no longer here on earth, I will let nothing dim the light you lit in this world and now shines within me and all those who knew you. You gave me the gift of love. Of life. You’ll always be be with me. I miss you and love you. 

Happy Birthday, Bubba.

Just think of happy things and your heart will fly on wings forever. 

Love, 

Mom

P.S. Thank you for teaching me about ADHD parenting, giving me strength to walk through grief and child loss, and the courage to pursue fundraising to empower kiddos like you and support their families. You have given me gifts I never expected to find in this life. #grateful